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As I embark on a freelance lifestyle- and especially on writing a novel- there’s been the requisite amount of self-doubt and fear that I think any artistic endeavor requires. My bank account has been sorely missing a regular paycheck and a little voice in my head reminds me of the relative ease and security of the office job I quit this summer. My student loan payments are past due and I keep receiving unresolved hospital bills for breaking my wrist and requiring surgery back in July (ouch). So there’s the money fear acting as a deterrent to creativity.  But I’ve realized it’s more of a Fear than a Reality. Fear tells me that making a living as a freelancer writer in New York City will be as likely as winning the lottery. Trust tells me to just give it a try.

The reality is that since I’ve moved in with Jake, my rent has gotten super cheap by NYC standards, we’ve combined a lot of expenses and utilities, and we’re cooking more and eating out less. So I won’t actually run out of money this very week. And the sooner I get going on writing this book, the sooner I can potentially sell it. The sooner I pitch and write some magazine articles, the sooner my bank account thanks me. It’s a balancing act. Fear has valid points to make, but I’m trusting that if I pursue what I love and what I’m good at, the money will come. With a lot of hard work, I think I can make it as a freelancer. And if not, I’ll get another office job, and it won’t be the end of the world.

Fear isn’t all about the cash flow, though. Most days it’s about being scared of creating an entire world that someone would actually pay to spend a few hours in (one way to think of what a book actually is). Can I do it? What if it sucks? What if it’s boring? Does this plot even make sense? These questions can ruin a writing session. It’s just not a constructive road to go down. Again, an element of trust must come in to kick the negativity out of the way. Trust that I can write a novel, so what if it sucks, and the plot holes will fill themselves in as I go.

So my advice to anyone who is about to move across the country, or change careers, or write a book, or record a country album or market Artisanal pickles or whatever it is that gets your blood flowing: trust your instincts and be brave.

According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, bravery is “the quality that allows someone to do things that are dangerous or frightening.” We all have that quality inside of us. We just need to listen for it amidst all the other voices whispering in our hearts.

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